I mourn for what i thought you were, and all the things i thought you'd be.
I mourn for myself and how I let myself be led so easily.
I mourn for the times we had together, those happy days whatever the weather.
I mourn for your smile, that made me smile, and kept me wanting more all the while
I mourn for what could have been, or what might be.
I mourn for the fact I wish I could talk to you but yet I wonder if you want me anymore.
I just wish I could speak to you and know whats on your mind.
Or if your thinking of me at this lonely time.
Maybe I should move on, and get you out of my mind.
But at this moment in time, your all I've got to occupy this heart of mine.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
First time for everything
Ok, this is my first post to a blog! Woooooooooo hoooooooo! Like how freakin amazing!!!
Ha ha yeah not.
Ok, I decided to start writing this because i used to write in a diary and loved spilling out my inner mostg thoughts into it each day. Well, this aint gonna be as personal as that but some form of therapy at least. Cathartic I hope.
At the moment I am feeling pretty low. Wish I didn't feel like this. I wish everything was roses and sunshine. But it aint, and life is no easy ride thats for sure.
So the big factor that has made me feel like $hit is that my boyfriend dumped me. First time that has EVER happened to me. So two firsts in one posting.
Ok he didn't dump me today, he dumped me on saturday7th october. Hey, he should have waited til friday the 13th,...really do it with style.
Ha ha ok, a little sarcasm there, but i'm entitled to feel pissed off don't you agree?
Anyway, he dumped me as he had issues, all stemming back to when he was cheated on 3 months before he was going to get married to this lovely girl,who in fact had her knickers off for some 50 year old bloke from her work. For six months. Poor woody (my ex).
So that was two and a half years ago, the guy needs to move on and not take his issues and anger out on me. Which he has done for the last few months.
We went on holiday in september to toronto and new york. When we got to new york i met up with some work colleagues one night, and i knew woody wasn't best pleased but he was invited.
Anyway, to cut a loooooong story short, woody said he needed time away from me for a bit, i was obviously cut up, hurt, angry, and confused. I moved back to my folks (not too far away) and they gave me a couple of shoulders to cry on.
I went to his and got some more stuff in the week and made sure he knew he had been a total arsehole in the last few months and thats not a relationship.
Well anyway, i went round his yesterday and picked up the rest of my stuff and we talked for a while. He told me he had checked my mobile the night i got back from the bar with my work mates in nyc, and saw a message sent to me earlier from one of the guys with a X at the end. The guy is over 50, married, short, and in no way a sleeze ball who would try anything on with anyone at work!
Woody just got so paranoid and was wrong to check my phone. He has serious trust and insecurity issues which i thought he had sorted out as its been a while since he had the dirt done to him. He needs to move on, but he is being a fool for acting like this.
And he told me he has issues with my spending, which is hardly in the Emelda Marcos league! Ok, I like to shop! What girl doesn't?! I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him and I was prepared to save, but i guess i'm not so sure about things now.
Its sad that its happened but its out of my control. He needs to be on his own and sort his head out. I know he still loves and cares for me (moi aussi) but i can't live with him like we were before. I felt picked on and wasn't number one in his world.'
I hope he can work it all out and come out clearer, but i'm not so sure. And I wont wait around to find out either. Although at the moment I am all over the place, but I know in time I will be ok.
I'm definatly off men for a few months though.
Ha ha yeah not.
Ok, I decided to start writing this because i used to write in a diary and loved spilling out my inner mostg thoughts into it each day. Well, this aint gonna be as personal as that but some form of therapy at least. Cathartic I hope.
At the moment I am feeling pretty low. Wish I didn't feel like this. I wish everything was roses and sunshine. But it aint, and life is no easy ride thats for sure.
So the big factor that has made me feel like $hit is that my boyfriend dumped me. First time that has EVER happened to me. So two firsts in one posting.
Ok he didn't dump me today, he dumped me on saturday7th october. Hey, he should have waited til friday the 13th,...really do it with style.
Ha ha ok, a little sarcasm there, but i'm entitled to feel pissed off don't you agree?
Anyway, he dumped me as he had issues, all stemming back to when he was cheated on 3 months before he was going to get married to this lovely girl,who in fact had her knickers off for some 50 year old bloke from her work. For six months. Poor woody (my ex).
So that was two and a half years ago, the guy needs to move on and not take his issues and anger out on me. Which he has done for the last few months.
We went on holiday in september to toronto and new york. When we got to new york i met up with some work colleagues one night, and i knew woody wasn't best pleased but he was invited.
Anyway, to cut a loooooong story short, woody said he needed time away from me for a bit, i was obviously cut up, hurt, angry, and confused. I moved back to my folks (not too far away) and they gave me a couple of shoulders to cry on.
I went to his and got some more stuff in the week and made sure he knew he had been a total arsehole in the last few months and thats not a relationship.
Well anyway, i went round his yesterday and picked up the rest of my stuff and we talked for a while. He told me he had checked my mobile the night i got back from the bar with my work mates in nyc, and saw a message sent to me earlier from one of the guys with a X at the end. The guy is over 50, married, short, and in no way a sleeze ball who would try anything on with anyone at work!
Woody just got so paranoid and was wrong to check my phone. He has serious trust and insecurity issues which i thought he had sorted out as its been a while since he had the dirt done to him. He needs to move on, but he is being a fool for acting like this.
And he told me he has issues with my spending, which is hardly in the Emelda Marcos league! Ok, I like to shop! What girl doesn't?! I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him and I was prepared to save, but i guess i'm not so sure about things now.
Its sad that its happened but its out of my control. He needs to be on his own and sort his head out. I know he still loves and cares for me (moi aussi) but i can't live with him like we were before. I felt picked on and wasn't number one in his world.'
I hope he can work it all out and come out clearer, but i'm not so sure. And I wont wait around to find out either. Although at the moment I am all over the place, but I know in time I will be ok.
I'm definatly off men for a few months though.
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